Studio Diary November 8th, 2008

Again today I get to speak to you through my humble words, through the flow of my thoughts… I feel honoured and privileged to be in this position where you let me be in your life, where you let me touch you, impact you, love you… I know the cost you pay to open up and to let someone seed things in your heart and soul, someone challenge you to see things differently, to take action and believe that you can yourself be different… We always hear that nobody can change, that you are the way you are and that is the end of the story. Well what happens when what you see of yourself is not great? What happens when people around you are hurt by your behaviour? What happens when you don't even understand yourself, why you are that way and you wish so badly that you could be nice like others around you?... Nobody can change you? Can you change yourself?

It took me forever to realize that I might be wrong and that I was hurting others as I was trying to protect myself from anything that could affect me. It took forever for me to admit I was responsible for bad things happening to me, for broken relationships, for my loneliness, for my broken hope… And then it took me another eternity
to let others help me, accompany me on the path of freedom, trusting that they might see things I don't…Gosh! That is hard… Let me tell you pride can kill relationships. When I am scared I can be the worst person in the whole world!!! Most of the time (if not always) what scares me is unreal, it is the fruit of my imagination, my fear of being rejected, my fear of being hurt, my fear of being the loser in the story… It may start with a small real event and then my imagination and feelings get it distorted, exaggerated and if I keep it to myself long enough the whole catastrophe becomes so real in my head, in my feelings that there is no way I can see things with perspective. That is the reason why I need people around me and to trust them so much that as soon as some event comes to shake me and start fearing I can open up and share so my friends can give me their perspective, so they can bring back what is reality and love me to secure me.

This week we had the chance to welcome another Japanese friend: Yuki. He is here to visit us because he was going through very difficult times in his country, he had a hard time finding the right people to open up to and who would accept him as he is. To me it's crazy to fly 16 hours, alone, to a country where you can barely speak the language, to end up living with total strangers… especially rockers! Lol But as I see that young man after only a couple of days being more and more
comfortable, laughing, sharing, crying, participating in the community life, I think that Yuki decided to trust… Yuki decided that our love was worth of trust and that he would literally put his life into our hands… Yuki decided that he would believe that his life could be different and that he could change…Yuki decided that Canadian rockers could have an impact in his life and that he could from that experience be transformed… Yuki decided that depression was not the final answer… Yuki decided that from the love he would receive he would also give and be loving and cheerful… I think that Yuki will be transformed… I think that through Yuki we will be transformed as well… Because we all can change! I don't want to stay the same even if it burns to be transformed…like gold being purified through fire…heat is on? That is fine… We're not alone in the flames.

I want you guys to be encouraged as I am encouraged just by being in contact with someone like Yuki that is so proactive to make things different! I love you and I truly believe you're worth it! What do you believe?