My dear friends...

I wish I could all mention your name, one by one, just to make you feel I'm talking to you only...making you feel how special you are in our heart here in the YFE family.

One week after another, the craziness never ends; the business flows, one meeting after another...sponsors, partners, video producers, radio promoters, bookers, publicists, record labels...the MySpace love spreads...one message at a time, one access to your amazing heart at a time...the recording sessions...one riff after another, trying to find magic in every tempo, melody, ambiance... the plans are established, shows, contests, photo shoots... And in the middle of this tornado of good news and exciting projects are humans...

It seems like time is running and we are in a never ending marathon finding ways to fulfill our destiny...We have a vision... We take actions...We give our all in each of our talent and personality... It's really amazing... but so fragile...it's fragile because individually we are fragile...human right?...If one morning I decide to be selfish and that nothing is more important than my little belly button and ALL that is bothering me (because anyway when we concentrate on ourself it's rarely to ruminate positive stuff right?)...well then the whole vision and compassion and action goes to hell! If one morning "I" decide that "I" am the only master of "my" life, "my" stuff and that "I" don't care about anyone...what kind of impact can I expect...None you think? On the contrary, unfortunately... when I decide to be selfish and not to take the role I have in this family, my role in my individual and collective destiny, "I" literally handicap others..."I" create an empty spot that someone else has to fill on top of his own stuff... "I" compromise victories... "I" hurt people that needed me... Why would I do such a thing as being egocentric? Why would I spit on the investment others made in me, believing in me, trying to love me as I try to escape? Why would I underestimate the power of being part of a whole... Why? there will never be a valid reason to do that... and it disgusts me to see I would do it anyway...

To be a part of such a family as the YFE family is a real privilege... we realize it as we talk to people who are left alone, who are so desperate to belong to something positive, to participate in a family that really cares and wants the best for its people... In my "blood" family I learned to be isolated, suspicious, I learned not to trust anyone even those who were supposed to take care of me, I learned that pain had to be avoided at any price, I learned that being open was the best way to be hurt and again that pain had to be avoided at any price, I learned to show only the good sides and to keep in shame the bad ones, I learned to escape as soon as things got out of my control, I learned that control was the best way to avoid pain and again what? it had to be avoided at ANY price... THAT was the family I was knitted in... And all that became me, became my definition, became my identity...And then... just like you...I fell into the YFE family...what a shock! All my conceptions were confronted with a new reality...What if all I learned was not the only way to live...what if I could have a higher purpose than just surviving...What if "I" was nothing without a "WE"? I do want to get out of all these patterns, all these lies that are keeping me away from my real self, the real person I can be: free, loving, giving, honoring, supporting...
And every fiber of my soul wants the opposite! I have to fight against my own flesh to get out of what I've always considered to be me... And every corner of my heart wants to explode pressured by fear... And my head wants to shut off with misunderstanding and losing the mirage of control... I'm not crazy...I'm an ugly caterpillar destined to fly...

Living within a loving and caring family has shown me many things but so many times I still have a hard time getting it...I still don't grasp the whole meaning of love...still struggle to accept pain as being a part of true love...still don't open fully in trust...still trying to control even if...really... what can we control in this life? which pair of socks you put on in the morning!lol (Alex said that one day and got stuck in my mind)... But by being with my YFE bros and sis I KNOW that I am privileged with an extraordinary strength! I KNOW that even if I have to fight my old patterns, not only my new family is supporting me but it will bring the best out of me... Together we can achieve anything...I'm not alone anymore, you are not alone anymore... What is the fine line between "I" and "US"?... it's all a question of heart, it's for me to be disgusted enough to turn around completely and BE different, it's to give my life for those I've hurt so much and who were waiting for so long to finally connect with the real me, it's to actively reject selfishness in my life... Selfishness kills...Unity creates...I'm so sorry I killed...my hands are still holding guns and powder is still floating in the air...Looking at the wounds I caused I stare and am desperate to know what I can do to be forgiven...What I can do to be a healing factor...
I guess I first have to drop the guns...
Clean my hands...
Let the powder fall...
And learn to care...

My friends...I know we're more or less all the same...fearful, rejected, mislead, self centered, but let me tell you that with every message you send me, every piece of your heart you share with me, every little victory you proudly declare...you remind me why I want to fly...you remind me the bitter taste of selfishness, you encourage me to fully participate in the family that has so much more power than my little self...you push me to be greater, to be real, to be strong for others... you push me to BE... Really, it's the way I see it now: I AM because WE are... without my people here...without you...I wouldn't BE...